theescapewriter

LOVE, LUST, LOSS, LIMERANCE

by Valerie Joy Decrepito

i. LOVE 

Here are the ways to love me:
++Warm hugs and tender touches, and knowing so well.
++sent messages, long phone calls, stolen glances
++and your spoken iloveandmissyous.
I sense that you love me.
++I smell the rosiness of that one letter you gave me
(though it’s buried somewhere in the attic)
++I hear the melodic words you wrote but never once attempted to say
for the fear of being laughed at.
++I see you, yes, you, at the bend of the street, just watching out for me.

(you never approached me but I knew you cared enough to silence the steps that were catching up on me.)

Never stop loving me. Please.

love me, despite of all my imperfections and crappy mood swings and social fuss.
love me, even if I wasn’t a mannequin who catwalks in platforms and stilettos.
love me, and I’ll love you back because I know this might just be enough for both of us.

but still, I wish for so much more.
(Because I am a person with insatiable needs)

I wish for an hour of jitters and butterflies and I dos,
++ a day of cotton candy and carousel rides and private matters,
++and a week of shameless paradise and happy baby showers.

But all I would wish for, most of all, are
…a split-second clashing of the lips, a kiss so soft and sweet,
..a year (or more) of not-so-short walks and very long talks,

……

And a lifetime of fingers entwined with each other.

______________________________________________________________

ii. LUST

Of rising up and falling down,

Grinding.

You wrap your arms around the shoulders of the one who couldn’t stop shaking.

Release. Wrap. Repeat process.

Breathe.

Of your soft breath~ a feather trailed upon ivory walls~

You whisper,

“Want me. Have me. Love me.”

I did.

Of rising up and falling down,

Grinding.

Your honeyed words leave me breathless, as your arms roam

In abandon…

Like a musician with his golden harp.

Your pulse throbbed, as you slid in between the sheets..

Adrenaline pumping with your sudden sugar rush,

Nothing could stop you now.

Want me.

I want you.

Have me.

Always.

Love me.

Forever.

Chests heaved, your heavily-lidded eyes said it all.

I’m ready if you are.

Bodies merged, melody in the making,

Into one.

This is today, tomorrow will be different.

(Just like a dream.

When you wake up,

All is gone.)

Of rising up and falling down,

Grinding.

You live in a world of subliminal reality,

Of inside jokes, and worldly puns.

Of rubber breasts and hidden crotch. Of matters that aren’t taken seriously.

People will come and people will go.

One night with little torrid hours

Will soon be forgotten.

The bliss..

An illusion.

Of rising up and falling down,

Grinding.

The sheets will never be red again,

The other half will always be empty,

Only a dent can say you’ve already gone.

Morning-afters are always painful.

Parchment paper with inked thankyous,

a payment for services rendered

Remind me that regrets will always be there, somewhere.

I was prepared for you to be not there when I wake. I rose up

From deep slumber, I sat up and wrapped my arms around myself,

As if to comfort a wooing child.

I’ve never seen such red, a pang of longing swept all over me.

I ran my hands to the space to my side,

it wasn’t empty after all.

You haven’t left me.

I twined my fingers with yours,

A million thoughts entered the recesses of my mind…

And I saw your eyes,

They were locked in mine.

_____________________________________________________________

iii. LOSS 

There are five kinds of people:

i.The person you might have loved but couldn’t

Always as I see you
In the recesses of an iridescent dream
Humming your sweet lullaby
To clear the worries off my distant mind.

You are my Andalusian,
Strong—like the waves that battle
The wind as it sweeps the muses away from the shore.

On the kind of wings that never melt,
Fly me to the suburbs of eternity,
My Icarus.

Let me stare straight into the sun,
Hope that you may be the one
To ward off the dragons in my nightmares.

Send me to reality that there is no forever.

Shed off your mask,
I’ve found out about your conquests,
Perhaps in another lifetime, my Casanova,

Perhaps in another lifetime.
Perhaps.

ii. The person you loved at the wrong time
You’ve got me solving mazes, my angel.
Hide all you want,
There will always be an open door behind.

I wish we have another night to remember.
Or maybe, another tequila sunrise
Where you are my tension hangover.

This time, you won’t be the one
Who’s left standing at airports ,
At harbors,
At thresholds.

Don’t leave me on this precipice,
Help me (please) get my act together.
This time, let me spoil you, my angel.

ii. The person you didn’t love but loved you

Three months after you still pick up the pieces
Polaroids. Portraits. Petals.
Hours of phone calls.
Memories of feather-light kisses
On my forehead
While your tear trickles down my nose,
To my mouth
Until I taste bitterness.

Three summers after you still remember
How to love someone who doesn’t want you.
You still pick up the burnt icouldneverbeyours
In that one Valentine card
I gave you.

Three years after, you stay the same.
Still in denial of rejection,
Still picking up the pieces of
Guilty fixation.

I told you, you were never my love.
I wouldn’t repeat it again.
The walls have ears, my darling,
Maybe they’ll echo those words back
Just to remind you.

iv. The person you loved but didn’t love you back

I wish you didn’t see through me.
Else my efforts would be in vain.
Must I remind you,
You blow away the blue from my mind.

The saccharine sweetness of my daydreamed
Promiscuous encounters with you
Keep me in a snowglobe
Of white magic and mixed euphoria.

You had me drawing hearts on transparent windows,
And scribbling your name on the margins of crumpled paper.

That was back then.

Now, you have me carousing empty streets,
Wiping the red coming out of my pulsated veins,
And you have me…singing to the Spill Canvas tune…

This life is way too short
To get caught up in all this stuff.
When I just want you to love me back…

Why can’t you just love me back?

v. The person you cannot get over, no matter how hard you try

Give me your best shot,
To the head, please.

That I may awaken from this deceit
That I have let go and moved on from your memory.
What a lie.

You, yes, you.
Good times.

….and bad times.

You and I can never be a We anymore.

I wish I can buy your love so I can feel
The tingling sensation I have always felt
When you put your arms around me,
And when you whisper the three words
Which give me butterflies in my stomach.

In that other lifetime
I wish I could be that One person
In that One place in this world
Who will share I Do’s with you.

In that One Day…

…in this One little world we call forever.

_______________________________________________

iv. LIMERANCE

I’ll die on my own terms,

apparently.

This bittersweet petrichor

Remind all

That even fallen angels

Mourn my loss.

Gone half-mad, half-sane,

My empty eyes brim with pools of

Terror,

Curious,

And asking…

(What have I done?)

(I) let him steal away

The flutter of butterfly wings

In this crimson autumn morning.

(I) let him lead my

Perfectly able heart

Into acquiescence,

(Of him. Of us.

Of whatever this is.)

(I) let him lull me into

A deep slumber,

Saving me from

Sharp pavor nocturnes.

(I) let myself

Feel comfortable,

Not noticing,

That somewhere in this

Labyrinth he guided me in…

He stands lurking behind shadows,

Hands wrapped around a rapier,

A Cheshire grin on his face,

Going for the kill.

I had died on my own terms, apparently.

Even Persephone

would’ve ignored

The will o’ the wisp

If it wasn’t her fate to be with Hades.

I was so blinded

By the thought of “us”

That I didn’t know

I was alone in

My make-believe fantasies.

Gone were the dreams

Of a rocking cradle

Ringing with peals of laughter

By an angel-child.

Gone were the hopes.

(Of him. Of us.

Of whatever this is.)

I now weep for the beauty loss

Of his sweet puffery

That once tied me to a maypole

While he danced his way

Into the core of my being.

I will not cry for his memory again.

This lacklustre love

Remind all

That even eternal faeries

May grow decrepit.

All must die in their own terms,

Apparently.

The love.

The lust.

And even the loss.

But as time flies

And seasons change,

Frowns turn into smiles

And the rest is left to fate.

And on the third day,

As it was written,

I rose.

Reborn,

I touch each ray of light I see,

Careful not to be too close,

Else it may singe my lashes

(Yet again.)

And after long,

I turned around,

And there I saw you.

And in that moment, I knew

That the aqua eyes that deeply

Held mine

Might just mean forever.

Arms linked with each other,

We take mirrored steps,

Raised our heads and watched the sky.

And, all ye angels, when dusk fell,

Believe me, so did I.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: