theescapewriter

Archive for June 2013

Words by Valerie Joy Decrepito

I shall keep the words

You once said to me.

They will be all that I have left

Of you.

You will never amount to anything,

You say.

(I could probably use this against you,

Someday.)

I used to always think

You were superior.

But unluckily,

My thoughts are always

Better than the truth.

Your almost-rotten body lies

Lower than the grave of the

Gallows-maker.

(Bless your heart,

I say.

Bless your heart for

I pity you strongly.)

 

You are constantly

Quick to judge

But you always forget…

“Even the damned books

Have intricate eyes, my dear.”

You remain devouring

Sour grapes that might’ve

Gone bad already,

Because you’d rather eat them

Than your own words

Which will probably cause

Your very demise.

Someday, you’ll see through your own web of lies and realize I wasn’t the reason why you aren’t with your own son. Someday, you’ll be forgiven by all those people you have shunned because you envy them. Someday, you will realize that no one will be there for because you have never been there for anyone. Someday, you’ll admit that I was already somebody even when you were a nobody. Someday, you’ll hate all the good things I’ve done for you and your family and you’ll realize that the person you really hate is no one but yourself. Someday, my dear, someday, you’ll love and thank me for finally  proving you wrong.

P.S.

I figured this is a safe place for me to write about someone who I once respected and won’t ever respect again in my life. Thank you for making me the center of your life for over a year now. I haven’t been thinking about you, but you would never stop talking about me with  your peers and family. Without you, I would never be as strong as I am now.

And yes, I am talking about my witch of an aunt.

To be honest, these past few weeks have been a total blur to me. It has been uneventful. My team threw the whole game away. And I have been spending my time in the four corners that I would like to call my room.

Between catching a bug named throat infection and watching NBA finals, I could just say that I just lived a pretty boring life. Or so I thought.

Lately, I’ve been trying to talk to people I miss, to people I love. I couldn’t help but think about what would have been myself if I didn’t leave the Philippines. Would I still be socially awkward as I was before? Would I be smaller than I am now? Would I even be a UP Eng’g graduate?

It’s so funny how I miss these people who in the past two years, I have been refraining to contact just because I don’t want to envy all the times they’ve spent with each other. Boy, was I glad that I finally had the courage to talk to them via social media.

I can’t believe that I’ve been here in Canada for over two years now. I have changed a lot, I guess. Gone was the girl who would always depend on her parents and on her peers. Welcome to the new me, a person who is willing to conquer any obstacle she could find herself in.

But despite that, I still feel that I am not complete.

I missed a lot. I missed the official break-up of one of my best friends. I know I would’ve handled it better if Kers and Ian had told me they were broken up before I left for Canada. I missed the all the plays my other best friend, Justine,  handled. And not only that, I would’ve loved to see how her love for Lori grew. I missed my goddaughter’s birthdays. I know Ara would’ve been happier if I was present. I miss my cousins back home. I guess it’s really true that cousins are both best friends and family. I miss Mayet, Pat, and Ysan. I am glad that they never fail to include me in all the things they are up to even if we haven’t really spent too much time together since 2008 when we went to different universities. I also miss my grandma whose smile never failed to remind me that once in her life, she became the light of my mother’s home. I also miss Julienne and Arvin, whom I have constantly been talking to in the past two years.

But then I realize that with all of the people I missed, I also met people who I could trust and love more than life. I met my whole family once again. For the first time in my life, I have learned how to take care of my own family. I could never imagine how Nanay and Tatay managed to send me to a private grade school and high school and a prestigious university if we hadn’t migrated to Canada. It finally is very nice to hear my brother say I’m one of those people he could always count on even if I choose to pick on him all the time. I met Pam and Maria, those two people who I know I will always be friends with. Without them, Canadian life would not be complete. And of course, I met ate Faye, Renee and Angie. I would always be thankful for all the things they make me experience here.

Seeing as summer just started, I could officially say that I would be starting to miss these people I met here in Canada. University life will be starting soon and I am sure I will not see them as often.

I just hope I could still remain in constant contact with all of them.

 

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SEGUE:

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