theescapewriter

Bittersweet

Posted on: February 18, 2013

February 17, 2013

Yesterday marked the second year I have been living in Canada. When I woke up, I was expecting my family to remember but apparently, they didn’t. I was sad but I didn’t remind them about it.

Yesterday made me remember everything that I’ve been missing these past two years. And with everything, I mean those people who really mattered to me in the years. Or so I thought.

Yesterday made me thankful that I am where I stand now. I have people who love me despite my weirdness.

Yesterday made me happy that my family (even if they forgot how important this day is to us) has grown stronger and closer to each other. And because of that I know that we will continue to conquer all the challenges that we may face in the future.

Yesterday marked the day I realized how important it is to have people care for you and vice versa.

I guess we’ve been so busy but somehow, people always manage find time for the ones they deem important. I have been wanting to say these words to three people but it’s getting more and more impossible with our clashing time zones and different schedules. So here it goes…

  • Reading all of the online messages we have exchanged in the past two years made me realize that you will always be in my life no matter what happens. I know that I disappointed you when I didn’t even bother to show up when you needed me the most. I am sorry. I never wanted to be selfish but at that time, I was scared (too scared) to see what have you have brought into being. To add more pain to the one I already caused, I just left without saying goodbye. I am very sorry. I should have known that you, of all people, are the closest thing I have to a soulmate. Parting brought such a sweet sorrow that sometimes I just want to come back and make up for the things I have done wrong. Believe me when I say that your home will be the first home we will stay in when we go back in the Philippines. And don’t forget that I miss and love you (forever and always), soulsister.
  • Sometimes I wonder if you have changed a lot because it seems like every time we talk, you sound more experienced than before. It is true that with time comes experience but I seem to have frozen the times when I used to call you and ask if you could stay with me. You have always been there for me and I will forever be grateful for that. Now, I can’t help but hear the tiredness that is masked by your smiling face as I talk to you. You have never sounded that way before. I guess pain can age you in ways you could not imagine. Nevertheless, know that I will always be a message away if you need someone to talk to. I will always be your trustworthy confidant. I remember the time when you said I never fail to say things that sadden you. I’ve felt guilty since. I promise you, this time, I’ll make you shed tears of joy or even shed none at all. I miss you, child.
  • What has made me forlorn these past weeks is the fact that we haven’t talked in what seemed like so many ages ago. I specifically remembered that it was you who said that reconnecting with old friends is one of your must-dos this year but I’m seeing none of that. I know that you have endless lists of responsibilities to finish until the semester ends but it never hurts to leave a “what’s up?” message on my inbox. You have been a constant part of my life back in Luzon [and I to yours] and I am, at the moment, morose that I will never a constant part of yours any time soon. You have done a lot for yourself and I am very proud of you but sometimes, I couldn’t bring myself to say that to you because I know, deep in my heart, that it won’t merit as much. I miss you, really miss you and I hope that we could be as gullible as we were before, love.

I know that some statements won’t make sense to some but it means the world to me. I really do miss you, best friends.

—-

On a side note…(in the Bittersweet jewelry store)

“Don’t force yourself to get in touch with a person who doesn’t want to get in touch with you. It’s not worth it,” a friend told me yesterday. I am vainly trying to.

After all, I can’t always make the first move, right? 🙂 

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